LUCK.

I am just amused. Amused by this BIG joke that LIFE is playing on me now. Like just WOW LIFE, throw me straight to hell, why wont ya?

Some people are just so damn darned lucky, to be able to find someone who loves 'em and to be able to be at ease in each other's presence. I think I came in terms with my luck, I could never in a million lucky stars find someone like this. I just came in terms. I'll just accept this. I'm just so darned tired of these. Being in the wrong relationships, being with someone who has great insecurities, being with someone who doesn't know what he wants. It is just EXHAUSTING. I. Give. Up. 

I am tired of searching, tired of waiting, tired of being patient, tired of waiting on people, tired of being the sensible one, tired tired tired tired. Tired trying to please everyone but myself.
I wanna do things for myself. Just once. Please, Angela. I wanna work out, I wanna sweat it all out. I wanna dance, just dance. I wanna just give myself that love that she deserves much. 

I don't wanna lie. My heart aches. I am a woman at the end of the day; no matter how I try to hide it, I feel too much. I can't lie, I am disappointed by his nonchalant approach. But who was I kidding. I knew it from the start, again, I brought this to myself. I saw it from the beginning how this is gonna turn out and yet, being Angela, I went straight right at it. 

He says I interpret things to the extreme, whatever that is supposed to mean. What am I supposed to think when you suddenly not call me or text me like you used to? He says I am being clingy. He says he needs his personal space. How am I supposed to interpret it then? He was the one that gave me the clingy puppy look at the first date and calls me the next day. So who's being clingy now? He used to love my company. And now I'm the clingy one? OKAY.

OH GAWD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? 

Are we in some role changing dynamic or something? I thought only the ladies play these games, now the guys too? Can we please go back to the time when gentlemen walks the earth and leave the emotional play to the ones with the vaginas, PLEASE?

I think I had just about enough of all these BS. Please no more no more no more. I'll just die old with 9 cats or whatever. 

I just wanna lay down. 

Goodnight.