How it is that someone is able to wake up one
morning and simply decides to not talk to you ever again without any
explanation whatsoever? And then pretends like nothing ever happened between the
two of you? How can he leave with himself knowing that he left her hanging by the edge, crying herself' to sleep for weeks?
It hurts so much that it broke her down and
crumbled her world because she actually took chances on him, after convincing herself in the middle of the night that he was not like the rest. That he was different. She decided to break down built walls and to open herself up to him. And she was convinced enough that that was the right
choice.
But then again, all blame cannot be put unto him.
She was an insecure, pain-in-the-butt nuisance. She blame herself every now and
then for not being able to control her temper and her egoistic nature. She was
never good in relationships. She never failed to find flaws, sometimes in
others but mostly in herself. She foretell the ending then go and create the
cause to save herself and ends up alone. She sent him a heart-breaking message
in the wee morning and never heard from him ever since then. Who could blame him?
After that first heart-break that her ex had caused, it still leaves a
scar no matter how hard she tried to erase it. It has become part and parcel of her today. She thought he needed a few days break and she gave it to him. Days
turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. She stared at the phone screen
every now and then, hoping for his name to appear on the screen. She cling unto her phone like it was her life, not wanting to miss a call from him, or a
message. She gave up waiting, took a deep breath and she gathered every ounce of courage that she had, she punched in his number, and it rang and it rang
and it rang, but never did he picked it up, or never did he return
that call. She sent a message saying how sorry she was for her stupidity but
never did he once reply. And she stared at the four white walls of her room immensely, with hot tears pouring down her cheeks. She cried her lungs out, wishing
things had turned out differently, wishing and wishing that she had never sent
out that stupid message. But, deep down she knew, there were no chances of him
calling back. Ever. She knew then that things were over between them before it even begin.
It had been nearly three months now.
And today, she logged on into Facebook, and she sees his current status on how happy he is now with someone else. It breaks her heart. How easily he got her and how easily he threw her away and now, replaces her. Like she meant nothing to him. She read and re-read his status several
times and yet she somehow still cannot believe her eyes. She thought he loved her. She thought that he meant every single word that he had uttered to her. And she had continued living those three months holding those three words. She thought he meant it. She took a deep breath and
reminded herself that it is no longer her that he wants. This time around,
there were no tears. Only a slight feeling of pain in her chest. So this is
what being replaced feels. She admits that the memories will be painful for her
but she also knows that life is but a brief candle. Reminiscing and crying over
the past is only but a waste of time. She vowed to never be this weak again. She then continued building her walls. Higher and higher. Stronger and stronger. Up
and up the walls go. She close your eyes, took a deep breath and wished him well. And then she smiled and she grabbed that cup of coffee
and blissfully, you know life has got to go on.
~drinkdrankdrunk~
