Lately, I've been thinking a lot about life. what am I doing actually? Am I doing the correct thing? Am I making the correct decision? What do I want actually? These questions, these doubts, why do I have them? What is it that is stopping me from doing what I truly want, from making the decision that I will be happy with? Deep down, while I was asking myself that, I figured out the answer. Fear. That is what is stopping me. Peer pressure, its making me do things what the society wants me to do and not what i want. I guess I got caught in the trends of the society that I lost myself in trying to satisfy everyone, but myself. That is indeed a sad fact. For these whole week, I have been a very indecisive person. But then, again, when I come to think about it, indecisiveness has been one of my weakness. I have always questions my decisions and have doubts about it. What if I made the wrong decisions? What if I regret my path that I have chosen? What if what if what if?
But what if the decision that I took was the right one? Who knows what it might have in store for me. It might be good or it might just be as bad. Have you ever made a decision that you certainly sure about then it only turns out to be a major disappointment to you? Have your decisions turned out to be total failure, disruption and disappointment instead of the opposite?
But then again, maybe it did not matter whether the decision is a bad or a good one, maybe it does not matter whether we will regret that decision or be glad about it. Maybe what matters is the fact that we actually took the first step to make that decision and whether we are happy or sad with the outcome, at least we never cease to learn something new, to gain a new experience, to venture into something new. And maybe that kinda experience is the one that will build us up and make us stronger as an individual in the process.
I am always full of doubts and fear. Too many what ifs, too many doubts, too much questioning. I think its time for me to be decisive. I have to know what is it that i really want right?
So goodnight world, I have some important decisions to make tomorrow and I have to set some things right again. But I promise to keep you updated about those decisions that I took. Because I believe that I still have a lot more to learn, a lot more challenges to face and although, at times I may feel afraid and be full of doubts, I promise to set those negativity aside and focus on the positivity. And yes, it is not easy, I know, but then again, neither is it impossible to do. I pray that God will give me the strength and courage to face whatever it is that will come on my way.
